Totally random man

Wonderful news! It looks like that Jake Gyllenhaal Cloning Project was secretly carried off. Either that, or he truly is a supernatural being, the divine entity his...divine-ness...always suggested. How else can we explain his presence in three different states at the same time?



New York, NY:

Jake Gyllenhaal (wearing a Boston Red Sox baseball hat) and unidentified date leaving the restaurant August in the West Village after having brunch together and separating immediately after seeing a photographer, to avoid being photographed together. After going separate ways, they both got on their cell phones to speak to each other. 9.16.07

Austin, TX:

But readers have reported other sightings: ... Jake Gyllenhaal showed up for Wilco, while Long and Barrymore mugged for the big screens during the same show. Mark Zupan , captain of the United States quadriplegic wheelchair rugby team, hung out in the artists village on Sunday.

West Hollywood, CA:

While much of Hollywood flocked to the Emmy Awards, Jake Gyllenhaal hit up West Hollywood eatery Il Sole for a dinner meeting. The Rendition star delved into a seven-layer lasagna while he chatted business.

In the name of science, I endeavored to determine if Jake, as an actual time-space continuum-bound mortal, could in fact have been in all three locations on Sunday. Here's the breakdown:

• New York, lunch--I'm not a New Yorker, but in my parts, lunch would be the name applied to a meal generally occurring between 11 am and 2 pm. Let's say Jake's lunch ended around 2 pm.
• Jake departs New York at about 2:30 pm Eastern Daylight Time.
• Average flight duration between JFK airport (according to a brief and completely unscientific search at Orbitz) and AUS in Austin clocks in at 4 hours, 35 minutes.
• That would make it about 6:05 pm Central Daylight Time when Jake arrives in Texas.
• According to the festival's site, Wilco, the one act Jake was identified to have watched, went onstage between 6:30 pm and 7:45 pm Central.
• Assuming Jake left after the Wilco performance, which we'll say really finished up around 8 pm, he could have made it back to AUS by 8:30 (she says, without any clue as to how long it really takes to drive from the concert venue to the airport).
• Another unscientific search at Orbitz tells me that average flight duration from AUS to LAX is somewhere between 3 hours 5 minutes and 3 hours 10 minutes.
• Jake departs Texas about 8:45 Central Daylight time, and arrives in California at 9:50 Pacific Daylight Time. That's definitely still early enough for dinner, since Il Sole is open until 10:30 pm on Sundays, and I think Jake has been known to close a few restaurants.

My conclusion? Jake is one jet-lagged motherfucker. With a lot of frequent flier miles. The NY-TX-CA scenario is completely plausible, especially since all three sightings are well within the known behavior patterns for our darling globetrotter. Which actually kinda bums me out; I was really gunning for my own Jake clone.


Photos: futurepicenter, IHJ.