Release

Another twelve hours before I will finally watch Rendition. That is, if I don't get sent home from work early for doing everything wrong because I am mentally elsewhere. Would that be a good or a bad thing?

Ellen DeGeneres is one of the kindest, sweetest people I've ever seen, so hearing her call Jake Gyllenhaal her friend gave me such a warm mushy feeling I almost cried.* I know that's because of my hormones, but it still made me very happy. Hearing her say what I already knew--that he "might just be the perfect man"--didn't feel bad, either.

Oh, so much to savor in this visit with Ellen, I haven't even absorbed all of it yet. Jake conceding that he'd take off his pants before he took off...what? His shirt? Let the speculation on why begin. Jake dangerously playful with a big knife; Jake like an excited kid in the kitchen, grabbing at the chicken in the refrigerator before the clock started; Jake sounding absolutely sincere when he gushed "I've always wanted to do this!" Jake ordering Ellen around like Gordon Ramsay, only charming; Jake eagerly grabbing the wine and gulping it with both hands on the glass.

Sigh.

There's so much I want to say today, but I'm afraid to keep going on and on...I may never stop.

Ten and a half hours remain now until I see Rendition.

Vanessa Farquharson's interview with Jake finally was published this morning at the National Post. Even if she hadn't declared in so many words her crush on him, she revealed the level of her interest by referring to his "perfectly formed" hand. This is the kind of talk that goes on in the fangirliest of forums, like here, here, and here. I know because I'm one of the fangirls.
(Update: I just noticed that Vanessa has erroneously identified IHJ rather than the brilliant Jake Watch as the originators of the Jake in '08 campaign. Is there no justice for PG and bpb? Should I write to the National Post?)

Following on the heels of these two items in the Washington Post is a similar Q-and-A with Peter Sarsgaard. I'm sure this means there's more with Peter elsewhere in the paper, and I'll go find it later.

What am I avoiding here?

The truth: I am afraid of not liking this movie. This is a rotten side effect of my constant pursuit of news that contains the name Jake Gyllenhaal, because just about every reviewer has indicated their opinion within the title or opening line of their review (as is good practice). No, I don't usually take the word of film critics on any movie, but I have to admit having been affected by the negativity I've exposed myself to over the past week.

More than that, I am irrationally but nonetheless deeply concerned for Jake and his happiness. What shines clear and true through all the interviews we've seen this week is that Jake is very much a genuine, sensitive young man; there is no magical mithril celebrity armor protecting him from the bullshit of Hollywood, he is not slick and polished. He is consistently shy when complimented about his physique and sincerely uninterested in impressing anyone with his own political opinions, preferring to focus on his job as an actor. In short, he appears to be a vulnerable, sweet, uncommon human being. I don't know any men like this personally. None who are available, anyway. Which is why I've been alone all my life.

About nine and a half hours to go.

Perhaps the very thing that I know to be causing all this artificial (yes, I recognize it for what it is) angst will actually help me tonight when I sit down in the theater. I'm so emotionally susceptible right now, it's probably the best time to watch Rendition, because even if it sucks, I'll be swept away.


*In fact I did cry later when Ellen told the car jumper about his Nike deal. I am seriously at the mercy of my endocrine system.


All photos: IHJ.

Toying with perfection

Pop quiz: What's wrong with this picture?
At first glance, nothing, right? How could there be? It's Jake, after all.

Ah! But to pureblood, hardcore, rubber-room Gyllenhaalics like me, something is a little...off. Zoom it to full size, and you might see what I mean. These photos have been retouched, and it's obvious if you look at Jake's forehead. Where's his little round scar?

When I first glimpsed the photos from this shoot, the combination of the intensity and surreal clarity nearly knocked me out of my chair. After a few seconds spent regaining my composure, however, I realized that it wasn't just the sharpness of the images that made them surreal. They're the most egregious case I've seen so far of digital manipulation.

Despite all the modern backlash against unrealistic physical ideals, photographers and magazines are still perpetuating this social prejudice, to the point that they feel it necessary to airbrush images of the most beautiful man person creature thing in existence. Really, if Jake isn't perfect enough for them, there is no hope for satisfaction. They may as well hang themselves now.

My favorite pictures of Jake are the ones in which I can make out all the little details, like this one. I love the fine hairs on his arm and cheek, the freckles, the tiny zit. Seeing a red spot or a scar or some other blemish reminds me that he is flesh and blood, a real human being like me and not just something pretty.

There's another form of Jake-tweaking that kinda drives me nuts, and that's this. Those are not Jake's natural eyebrows. The makeup artist or director or whoever decided that Jake's manly brows were too much for their film, and reduced him to this. It's been done before, I've noticed. Come on, people. I know those with weak hearts might not be able to handle the sight of untamed!Jake, but to try to give him girly-brows goes beyond grooming. It's arrogant and foolish.

Stop messing with Jake. You cannot improve upon perfection.

All photos: IHJ.