Satellite of love

News always breaks overnight. It's a conspiracy to keep me from sleeping, and it's working. Variety reports that Jake Gyllenhaal has signed on to star in a DreamWorks project about colonization of the moon. Sigh.

They call it an "actioner." I cringed. Okay, I admit a love-hate relationship with The Day After Tomorrow, which I re-watched many times before realizing Jake was my ultimate goal in life. The effects, minus those awful wolves, were spectacular, and the tornadoes in Los Angeles always got me. But let's face it, the film took lots of liberties with science. Not just the climate stuff, either. I remember laughing the first time I saw a trailer for it, and they showed that big wave crashing into the NYC high-rises...and flowing around them. Huh?? I know water is fluid, but, uh, whatever.

This as-yet untitled moon project may not be the cerebral comedy I still hope Jake will find, but it does have potential. Action flicks have heroes. Sam Hall was a terrific teenage geeky genius lovestruck hero, even if he did start by burning the books instead of the furniture (I never understood that). What kind of role will Jake have in this thing? One of the colonists? He's obviously the lead, as he's the only one cast so far. I can't object to Jake wanting to do another blockbuster, if that's what this will be. He's got to cut loose once in a while and just do something that makes him jump up in the screening room and yell, "This movie rocks!" But we don't know enough yet to say that this is that. What we know is that Jake has gone from nothing (officially) in the works to busiest man in the world again. Obviously that nice summer vacation did the trick.

Incidentally, I love little convergences like this. Mark Bowden is better known as the guy who wrote Black Hawk Down, who exchanged this correspondence with Anthony Swofford.

That brings me back to my other concern, and this is a big one. It stems from the comment that Bowden "did a complete reconception of the story and will pen the screenplay." Stories that have to be completely re-written don't inspire much confidence in me. But of course I must reserve judgment. Jake thought it was good enough to attach his name to it, and that's encouraging. Plus if it ends up as total shit, we know Jake will not hold back in telling them so.

All photos: IHJ.

E.T., for what it's worth

Just a brief note: I am currently downloading last night's Entertainment Tonight from my mom's TiVo. Unfortunately it is moving at a snail's pace. Maybe if I'm lucky the download will be completed by the time I get home from the gym tonight. What they showed wasn't really a full trailer, and it was completely chopped up with their inane commentary, but hey, right now it's all we've got.

Abnegation

I spent approximately five hours today tweaking a MySpace page that I don't really use, just to make it look reasonably less than vile. I frequently take on obsessive tasks like this, with questionable payoff and at the expense of other, more responsible activities (like filing, cleaning, and human contact). This is because I am compulsive, obsessive, and a perfectionist. I am also a lazy slob. These things in combination do not make for a simple, happy life.

Anyway, I have been known to describe myself as obsessed with Jake Gyllenhaal. It is both extreme hyperbole and tragically apt. While there are countless more immediate and valuable things in my life, it is true that I think about Jake for some part of every waking hour of my day. However, I have no delusions. The gulf of reality between us is very tangible to me, especially when I'm doing a distasteful chore like cleaning cat puke off of my carpet, as I did this afternoon. Naturally, one of the thoughts flowing through my mind as I wiped, dabbed, and cursed, was I'll bet Jake never has to clean up dog barf. He's got someone that does it for him. Granted, I have no proof that Atticus has a personal hygiene attendant, but come on. If I had Jake's money and resources, I wouldn't be doing this shit myself.

Then I have to stop and remember: just because I would do something does not mean I know what Jake would do. Maybe Jake looks forward to cleaning up dog vomit. Maybe he lives for the moment when Atticus makes a mess so that he can revel in that custodial role. Or maybe he just really likes to clean.

My point is, yes, I think about Jake a lot. But I've got it in perspective. I'm sure he has habits that, were we friends, would irritate all hell out of me. That's part of the beauty of his being a stranger, in fact. I get to imagine that all those good things I hear about him are the whole picture, and that he'd find me just as endearing as I him. What a deal!

Where was I going with this? Oh, right. It takes me five hours to futz about with a stupid web page that I don't care about, but I'll do it anyway just so I can feel like I've made the effort. Conversely, someone who has the responsibility of an official website for a celebrity and should be concerned with the image presented by that site, for his own professional and personal reputation if not concern for the subject, can be so completely negligent that I refuse to post a link to it here, just to keep anyone new from being exposed to its suckitude. I'm speaking of one Harrison Cheung, the fellow who is responsible (and I use the term loosely) for Jake's "official" site. After much discussion on the Jake Watch forums I have come to the conclusion that Mr. Cheung just doesn't care, and never will. He's too busy with other problems (thanks, Ged) to address the state of decay that site is in. JW's mistresses have been trying for a while now to get something done about it, but it's not looking good.

Harrison (if I may call you Harrison), I realize there is a very good chance that no one is paying you a dime to update Jake's site. I don't work for free, either. There are some people that have chosen to take on enormous enterprises (in terms relative to their lives) out of a personal passion, and who have remained responsible to the many grateful users of their project despite the fact that time marches on, and no celebrity crush lasts forever, because they have integrity. My advice to you is, if you don't care enough to make Jake's site one that is worthy of this Oscar-nominated, BAFTA-winning, new-movie-coming-out-in-October, terrific human being, then do yourself, Jake, and his millions of fans a favor and either give it up to someone who does, or take it offline.


All photos: IHJ.