Confessional

Those who know me from here know that I have certain conflicted feelings about the literary meta-genre known commonly as fanfic. I am not a stranger to its disquieting allure; I've participated in a few fandoms where I wrote the stuff myself.

But the phenomenon of Brokeback Mountain fan fiction and slash is particularly unsettling to me. I won't read it.

In part, it's because I love the story and characters of Ang Lee's film so purely, and don't like the idea of anyone else pulling their puppet-strings. There's also the trivialization aspect: while there are bound to be exceptions, in general the goal appears to be titillation. Ennis and Jack deserve more respect than that.

I also have my own reservations regarding the writing of fanfic. Because I have such difficulty creating a fictional universe and populating it with original characters, for me the concept of borrowing an already-proven world seems an easy out, a cheat. I'm not saying that's how it is for others who write it; just me.

So when I found myself returning again and again to an idea about a BBM character, I refused to give it life on the grounds above. That is, until one afternoon as I was driving home from work. I'd been playing Live's Throwing Copper in the car for a week or so, but for some reason, that afternoon, I heard "Pillar of Davidson" as if for the first time. While there are some generally agreed upon interpretations of these lyrics, something tells me that Ed Kowalczyk never dreamed he would inspire a reluctant fan fiction story about BBM.

All of this is by way of confessing to having written a piece called Shepherd. Previously, I allowed an online friend to post it anonymously for me at BrokebackSlash several weeks ago. I'm posting a link rather than the text in case there are any visitors who, like me, do not wish to read fanfic. Am I the queen of irony or what?