Want vs. get

For anyone who's curious, I opened my Zodiac DVD last night and discovered that they really weren't kidding about it being bare-bones. There's nothing in here but a disc and an anti-theft sticker. No insert, not even one of those stupid coupons for some other movie. Nothing. Fortunately, all I wanted from this release was the original film as it appeared in the theater, and that, I believe, is what I got. With a criminally bad cover design. I haven't had time to watch it yet, but I'm not looking forward to sitting through the blurb for the "Director's Cut." There won't be anyone from Paramount around for me to glare at.

However, at least I know that those great extras, including Jake's commentary, are coming eventually. The same can not be said about Brokeback Mountain. I was reminded of the relative disappointment of that release when I went in search of the highest-possible quality version of the trailer so that I could bring you this shot. Don't bother clicking it. It doesn't get any bigger. If it did, Jack would be a pixelated, amorphous smudge anyway. But I wouldn't have had to go digging on the internet for a copy of the trailer if they'd included it on the "2-Disc Collector's Edition" DVD. While it did have some wonderful extras, it lacked the things I believe we all wanted most: deleted scenes and commentary, at least from Ang Lee if not cast members. I want to know why Jack was standing alone on the bridge. I want to see Ennis and Jack rescue the hippies. There is always the possibility that an anniversary edition somewhere down the line will be released and include all the precious bits that we've been missing.

Here's the reason I was looking for that all-too-brief glimpse of shirtless Jack in the first place. This was the first of the two BBM fanfic-ish stories I wrote. It just sort of came into my head one morning, and it wouldn't leave me. Some people have said they liked it; I'm glad, but the most important thing is what it meant to me, and that's Jack's capacity for love and sacrifice. Go ahead and comment, please. Let me know how daffy you think it is. Or if it's the best thing you've read since Annie Proulx's original short story, by all means, don't tell me--tell some publisher so I can get out of my crappy government job and get a writing deal. Yeah. Want...versus get.

Confessional

Those who know me from here know that I have certain conflicted feelings about the literary meta-genre known commonly as fanfic. I am not a stranger to its disquieting allure; I've participated in a few fandoms where I wrote the stuff myself.

But the phenomenon of Brokeback Mountain fan fiction and slash is particularly unsettling to me. I won't read it.

In part, it's because I love the story and characters of Ang Lee's film so purely, and don't like the idea of anyone else pulling their puppet-strings. There's also the trivialization aspect: while there are bound to be exceptions, in general the goal appears to be titillation. Ennis and Jack deserve more respect than that.

I also have my own reservations regarding the writing of fanfic. Because I have such difficulty creating a fictional universe and populating it with original characters, for me the concept of borrowing an already-proven world seems an easy out, a cheat. I'm not saying that's how it is for others who write it; just me.

So when I found myself returning again and again to an idea about a BBM character, I refused to give it life on the grounds above. That is, until one afternoon as I was driving home from work. I'd been playing Live's Throwing Copper in the car for a week or so, but for some reason, that afternoon, I heard "Pillar of Davidson" as if for the first time. While there are some generally agreed upon interpretations of these lyrics, something tells me that Ed Kowalczyk never dreamed he would inspire a reluctant fan fiction story about BBM.

All of this is by way of confessing to having written a piece called Shepherd. Previously, I allowed an online friend to post it anonymously for me at BrokebackSlash several weeks ago. I'm posting a link rather than the text in case there are any visitors who, like me, do not wish to read fanfic. Am I the queen of irony or what?