Was it good for you?

(or G-Day, Sept. 7, 2007: The Day the Gyllenhaalics Attacked!)

Congratulations to Kate (WDW) at Wet Dark and Wild and Becky (Prophecy Girl) at Jake Watch on their interactions with the Gyllenhaal yesterday at the Toronto International Film Festival. It was obvious to me from the photos posted by both women that they had indeed met each other there. (PG confirmed this in her JW post.)

Photo by WDW

Photo by Prophecy Girl

Not surprisingly, every Gyllenhaalic has her or his own perspective on Jake and what he means to them. I could sit here and make a table distinguishing our various opinions and beliefs, as I have interpreted them, but my point is that while we all see something wonderful in Jake, no two of us have exactly the same image of the man in our minds. He is someone, something, that is to be experienced uniquely by everyone. I love that about him.

Yes, the past 24 hours have been an orgy of Jakeness, but only in the most superficial way. It's not that I'm complaining about the photographs--who would? But any opportunity to hear from Jake, in his own words, is something I treasure, and so far the only interview available is this one from Entertainment Weekly. There were brief clips of Jake, intercut with Reese, discussing those rumors, but I am still waiting for something more of substance to come out of TIFF. I'm sure there is more on the way; I must be patient.

Meanwhile, these are my favorite random anecdotes and gags from the weekend's madness so far. First, the flight attendant boyfriend of Adrian, a moderator on the Dave Cullen forums, has become a major hero to the 'Lashers simply by telling them what in their hearts they already knew: Jake is a nice, charming young man. Chad said,

he is very handsome man and a lot more tall than I thought he was and he have great smile and he smile all the time. he does not act like other celebrity sometimes do. anyways, that is what I will tell you. he is very nice guy.

Yet another confirmation of Jake's renown goodness comes from a society writer at the Toronto National Post, who just happened to be in the kitchen of Sotto Sotto (Who the hell names their restaurant "below below"? Is it in a basement? Xenia, is there some other meaning here of which my terribly weak, musically-influenced grasp of Italian has not made me aware?) when the sunshine of my life walked in. In addition to his not-so-subtly appreciative description of Jake's appearance ("Deeply V-necked, pleasantly broad-shouldered, and with that paralyzing dopey smile..."), Shinan Govani tells us

Jake, meanwhile, gave us a glimpse of his singularly sportybrainy-emo brand in Hollywood — the kind of chap who can competitive-bike-ride, do crosswords and get teary-eyed via Keats. The night was almost done, and he, polite to the end, thanked everyone and told Mama in particular that he dug her lasagna.

Damn straight he did. Probably with a fork the size of a shovel.

While those who were graced with his shining presence seem unanimous in declaring Jake a walking anachronism of good manners and intellect gentleman, the online shenanigans have continued, including yet another reference to Jake's crotch (Lesbians love Jake, too; why am I not surprised? Featuring such quotable reader comments as "flip you over, eat you like a pudding cup, ass smacking beast")...and this silly parody which I am not at all embarrassed to admit made me laugh.

However, the single most moving thing I've read today was this dream described by jakethesnake at the DC Forum.

He's all playful, and being funny and silly, and I'm trying to hold it together. And then I notice that all the sudden the table is extremely intimate and cozy and Jake has scooted down in his chair and kinda nestled himself NEXT TO MY ARM!! We are touching!! The whole left side of my body is making contact with his whole right side....We remain like that for the entire program, snug as a bug in a rug. I keep stealing glances of his giant blue eyes (the room is dim and there are candles on the table and his eyes are glowing from the candles!) and he's still all giggly and warm and cozy. I can still feel his warmth on my body just thinking about it.

....I think it's kinda a metaphor for what he's really like...he's really warm and genuine and silly and playful.

This, to me, beats any sex dream by a million light years. Because it encapsulates exactly what it is that I, too, feel for Jake; this strange perception of a comfortable companion, someone with whom everything is all right, and safe, and fun. It's powerful stuff. I'm hoping I can have one just like it tonight.

Update:

Naturally, once I gave up looking for news and got busy downloading over 200 new images of Jake, Vanessa Farquharson updated her blog just for us. This woman is now an honorary Gyllenhaalic in my eyes. She asked, and Jake answered (!), no less than three of the questions I suggested on Thursday.

Me: Do you ever read anything about yourself on the Internet?
Jake: (Another pause) “Sometimes people send me funny things … I’ll leave it at that.”

Me: Do you know about the Jake in ‘08 presidential campaign? It was a MySpace page but it got taken down recently.
Jake: “Wow, no, I don’t.”

Me: I hear you’re really into food — how do you feel about cilantro? Some people love it but other people think it tastes like soap.
Jake: “Oh, I really don’t like cilantro! It’s like the only herb I don’t like.”
Me: It’s a very divisive herb.
Jake: “It is.”

As if I need more direct evidence that Jake really was put on this earth for me. Jake, we are meant to be together.

Unfortunately, she still hasn't replied to my inquiry about when her Rendition interview is going to be available. If anyone sees it somewhere, please, give me a shout.


Photos: Jake Watch, Wet Dark and Wild, IHJ, and one from I can't remember where. Don't sue me.

Green, with envy

This morning I've found the blog of a journalist at Toronto's National Post who has tipped readers that she will be interviewing Jake Gyllenhaal on Friday. You all may want to take her up on her offer....

if you have any pressing questions for Jake Gyllenhaal, feel free to post them in the comments section below

I'll be coming up with my best efforts on the drive to work. If anyone leaves Vanessa a comment/question about Jake, please post it here, too, so we can all go back later and see whose questions she used, and which ones Jake actually answers. Won't that be fun?

I'll be back soon. Work calls. Bleh.

***
As I drove, I tried to refine the list of questions that are ever-present in my head, narrowing it to those I think a spunky journalist might really ask him given the chance. I reviewed some questions that I had jotted in my green velvet journal back when my obsession was new, and discovered that most of those rather basic issues had been answered (dogs vs. cats; Mac vs. Windows/PC; etc.--these are essential details that reveal quite a bit about anyone, seriously). Ultimately I only sent Vanessa one of the longtime questions in my list. It's the one about cilantro. I hate cilantro. Here's what I've sent, so far.

Wow...not sure you know what you've opened yourself up to here. ;) I think you'll take care of the basic Rendition questions (What's his opinion on the policy of extraordinary rendition, and has making this movie affected his views on it) so I'm going to suggest questions that we Gyllenhaalics would love to have answered. Number one on that list is:

What is his next project? And when will it begin?


Additionally...

Has he accepted a part in the (now-Broadway) play Farragut North?

Does he ever read anything about himself on the internet?

Did he know that there is a small campaign by Gyllenhaalics to have him elected President in 2008, despite his ineligibility on the grounds of age?

What would he do first if he were elected?

What does he think Robert Downey, Jr. meant when he described Jake as "wet, dark and wild?"

(These are from the Barbara Walters in me, I guess)

What does he believe is his worst vice?

He's a chef. What does he think about cilantro? (there are quite a few people out here to whom it tastes like soap, including me)

Describe his most recent dream.

(And, on the green side)

Why doesn't he bring his own reusable bags when grocery shopping instead of accepting paper or plastic?

What happened to the (two) Camry hybrid(s) he told the GQ interviewer he was going to buy? We never see him in it.

I’ve pointed other Gyllenhaalics here, by the way. Hope you don’t get overwhelmed.

Don't worry, I see someone else has already suggested she ask him about Boo. I personally don't want to push him on that--if I had to give up a companion animal, which might be what happened, I would rather not be reminded of it. Many years ago my family was forced to find new homes for two cats, and I have never stopped thinking about them.

Anyway, I do hope you all will take advantage of this woman's (probably already regretted) generous suggestion. Even if she doesn't ask him any of our specific questions, hopefully she will at least read them, and thus go into the interview knowing enough about Jake to make her a worthy questioner.

Photos: IHJ.

Jake's back!

And I'm so fucking happy to see him that I don't even care about the watermarks. This is insane. I need (different) medication.

Okay, the truth is, I don't like getting photos from Just Jared, because it is essentially a celebrity gossip site, albeit a relatively restrained one when it comes to Jake. No offense to you, Jared; I just don't dig gossip, particularly about celebrities because most of them mean absolutely less than nothing to me.

Except Jake.

Do I wish to reward the behavior of the paparazzi that followed a man out of a private appointment, or the site that gives us a little more info about his location than was really necessary, by writing this post? Hell, no. All the same, right now I feel like giving Jared a big sloppy kiss for bringing Jake back to me.

Updated 9/6/07 10:59 AM:


Damn. No wonder he stayed in the Vineyard for so long. Apparently, Jake was papped yet again on Tuesday evening, leaving dinner at a restaurant. More pics at Just Jared. One reason I feel icky visiting JJ is demonstrated by his comments on that post. He mentions the opening of Rendition, but he's got the old release date of October 12. It's not a felony to have outdated information, but it is symptomatic of the problem: gossip sites are not reliable sources of information. They are, however, pretty damn good sources of eye candy, and Jake looked even better on Tuesday night than he did that afternoon, if that's possible. His hair is perfect, his beard is perfect, his fingers...guh. Welcome home, baby!

Photos: Just Jared.

Desperation grows

Not sure I can take much more of this waiting. True, I have every movie Jake's made since he was 17 on DVD to watch over and over again, not to mention all those interviews from February on the DVR. But damn, Jake, I'm missing you. Hearing that he and Reese had apparently canceled all one-on-one interviews at TIFF did not improve this situation, though I am willing to believe that it was done for good reason.

This, on the other hand, defies reason. It's one of the handful of inane hit results returned when I search these days for news of Jake's status. This is what a Jakeless summer has reduced us to. This, and Maggie in expensive S&M undies (looking sexy as hell, but not, alas, her brother), and unconfirmed stories regarding relationships of former costars (to which I refuse to link and whom are also not Jake).

Darling, please, come up for air soon, okay?

While I'm hoping to find out what the hell Jake's doing now, I find it interesting in a sociological kind of way to observe what sort of information others are seeking about him.

Lycos's search results page offers:

Narrow Your Search
Jake Gyllenhaal Wallpaper
Biography and Jake Gyllenhaal
Jake Gyllenhaal Interviews
Fan Club for Jake Gyllenhaal
Jake Gyllenhaal Married
Jake Gyllenhaal Facts
How Tall Is Jake Gyllenhaal
The Actor Jake Gyllenhaal
Does Jake Gyllenhaal Have a Girlfriend
Is Jake Gyllenhaal Gay

and behind their "More »" link...

Where Does Jake Gyllenhaal Live [stalker or newbie paparazzo? you decide]
Who Is Jake Gyllenhaal Dating [this matters why, exactly?]
Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal Related
Jake Gyllenhaal Body
Jake Gyllenhaal Filmography
Jake Gyllenhaal Backgrounds
Jake Gyllenhaal No Clothes [apparently the word "nude" escapes the typical Lycos searcher]
Is Jake Gyllenhaal Single
Jake Gyllenhaal Favorite Color [nice to know Jake still has 13-year-old fans, too]
Jake Gyllenhaal Desktop Wallpaper
Jake Gyllenhaal Wallpaper 2003
Jake Gyllenhaal Posters
How Much Does Jake Gyllenhaal Weigh [planning on carrying him away to your secret hideout, perhaps?]
Jake Gyllenhaal Buddy Icons
Jake Gyllenhaal Birthday
Kirsten Dunst Boyfriend

I really need to stay away from the web searches for a while. It's all very depressing.

All photos: IHJ.

In the stars

What better to do on a rainy, dismal day than stretch out on my bed and watch Zodiac again?

Okay, there are many other things I should be doing, but none are anywhere near as enjoyable. Jake's eyelashes should have received separate billing in this film. And so far, I think only Ang Lee equals David Fincher for masterful use of those big blue eyes in telling a story. Thank you, Mr. Fincher, for at least half a dozen underlit shots of Jake in profile talking on a phone. Yummy.

For anyone out there who does not have a selection of Jake's movies on DVD to wile away the time, here's another option. Top Synergy is a website that offers what they call "relationship analysis" based on astrology, and users can obtain free analysis reports matching themselves with one of a fair selection of celebrities, including Jake Gyllenhaal. Several months back, I was led there by a friend to see what my match with Jake would look like.

Before I show you the result, I must issue this disclaimer: I don't really believe in astrology. Those who do, please don't be offended by my dismissal of this information as purely entertainment, not a guide for life choices.

Here is what Top Synergy had to tell me about my potential with Jake.

Click the graphic to go to my stored results page at Top Synergy

If you read the explanation provided by Top Synergy, you'll notice that relationship types highlighted in purple are supposed to indicate a probable good match. And if you look at my Personal Relationships chart, you'll notice the whole damn thing is purple. This tickles me no end.

Should anyone wish to recreate my results, because you disbelieve me or just want to know what my match with someone else would look like, here are my details:

gender: female
birth date: Jan 14 1972
birth time: 03:48
country: United States
state: Florida
city: Lauderhill

Naturally, to inject a smidge of science into the game, I have compared myself to two of my previous celebrity crushes (neither of which was quite like what I feel about Jake). My match with Ewan McGregor is somewhat disappointing, I must say.



With David Duchovny, I fared much better.



It has not escaped me that in the Passion subset, every one of these matches indicates the man would have a "dominant" or greater passion for me, and that all but Duchovny have a greater passion for me than I do them. This has something to do with my chart, which apparently indicates I am some type of sex magnet. If you knew how funny that idea is to me, you'd understand exactly why I say that I do not believe in astrology. I do consider myself highly sexed, but so far it has not brought me great success in attracting partners. The thing is full of contradictions, but then again, so am I. However, on the whole, I'd say it's more inaccurate than accurate. I'll leave it to those interested to figure out why.

If you match yourself up with Jake, you can share your results in the comments.

Oh, and an apology to the two readers who had voted in the new poll before I recreated it. I somehow had managed to leave Jimmy Livingston off the list. Blasphemy! Bubble Boy is definitely among my top four of Jake's movies. Please vote again. I already put in my vote for Harold "how embarrassing is it if I say last night was wonderful?" Dobbs.

Zodiac captures: IHJ.