It's love

What you want and what is the truth are always two different things. -- Jake Gyllenhaal

Sweetheart, I couldn't have said it better myself.

Well, maybe I could have, but I wouldn't have looked nearly as good saying it.

Evidence that Rendition is still playing in at least one major metropolitan area: for whatever reason, this interview with Jake (the source of the quote above), which I'm guessing was taped in Toronto during the film festival, just appeared today on the Chicago CBS affiliate's website. Of course, they may have aired it earlier for all I know, since I do not live in Chicago.

Anyway, as you can see, I'm here, having not killed myself as promised. It's hard to estimate just how strangers reading my words have interpreted my depression; some would say I should not worry about what others think of me, but I'm suddenly feeling the need to express a very important fact about what's been happening to me. I want everyone to know, and understand, the truth: I was not made suicidal by the sudden revelation that Jake Gyllenhaal was romantically involved with someone.

I've been depressed for most of my life, clinically. On medication, which you may have noticed me joking about more than once. When the chemicals in your brain are imbalanced like mine, almost anything can trigger a deep trough, a black period in which life literally loses all meaning. In this case, the last in a series of mental health tripwires was my self-assessment in the wake of my reaction to the relationship "news." Unfortunately, knowing why you are depressed does not, contrary to what might seem logical, make the depression go away. My medication has been adjusted, and while the improvement so far can more likely be attributed to yet another mood swing than the meds, I feel better knowing I will feel better.

Positive signs:

1. I have not cried all day today. No, wait, that's not exactly true. I did weep a little after watching Mask on cable. Oh, and again at the end of Stranger Than Fiction. I was drawn into it by Emma Thompson and Maggie Gyllenhaal (whose performance left me talking back to Jake's image on my computer monitor--Your sister fucking rocks, baby!). Is it just me, or is Will Ferrell the most utterly charmless film star ever? On the Charm Continuum, if Jake Gyllenhaal is at one extreme (given), Ferrell is definitely at the other, infinitely dissipating extreme. But I digress.
2. I'm starting to look forward to moving to California again.
3. Best of all, I found myself smiling uncontrollably while downloading all those images of Jake that I've been meaning to grab...including those featuring him with Reese Witherspoon.

To my great relief, in fact, I have been grinning, laughing and squeeing over Jake all day long. The concept that he might actually be as wonderful as he seems is no longer irrationally unsettling to me. I still love him, more than ever, and I'm grateful all over again for the pleasure he brings to my life. Wanting to be with him won't make it come true, but it fills the gaps with a perfect sweetness.

Photos: jakegyllenhaalfan.com, IHJ.

Afterglow

So much Jake, so little time. My week has been pretty bad, and while I'm tempted to be bitter that reality chose to interfere with the TIFF/U.S. Open Jakefest, instead I am reminding myself how grateful I am that every time I was significantly bummed out, new pics of Jake were just a click away. I don't even care how silly that sounds. The mere act of viewing his image, in photos taken of him doing the moviestar thing and clearly enjoying himself, brought peace and contentment to me instantly. This is the epitome of Zen Gyllenhaalism. If I could, I would thank Jake for being what he is to me.

Among the wonders that got me this far, the publication of Jake's answers to my questions in Toronto's National Post. The fact that her paper printed what was originally a blog post makes me think Vanessa Farquharson received email from quite a few Gyllenhaalics following her (I suspect facetious, originally) invitation to post questions for Jake in the comments on her blog; she was able to convince someone that this, too, was entertainment news. My favorite appearance of the article is the one they posted in the Ampersand, because it not only includes a lovely photo of Jake, but has been titled "Calling All Gyllenhaalics: Jake Gyllenhaal reveals hatred of cilantro!" Of course, Jake didn't use the word hate, but hey, they found my weird question good enough to attract readers. That rocks.

Okay, enough rambling about that.

If you haven't already, please check out the latest salvo in the Jake in '08 campaign over at Jake Watch. Just make sure you don't have any food or liquid in your mouth before you click.

Also, for those who, like me, were right pissed off when clicking to view the red carpet interview video WDW linked in this post resulted in a lame message that the clip wasn't viewable on Macintosh computers, I dug into the source code and ferreted out the object url. When you click this link, it should open either in your browser or whatever helper application is assigned to handle Windows Media files. I can confirm that it played for me in both Quicktime Player and VLC. Unfortunately, some lazy ass did not bother to edit the clip properly before turning it into a stream--you will first be presented with a couple of minutes of blank screen, followed by a report on healthy snacking, followed at last by Jakey goodness. I was able to skip ahead using the little scrub arrow; your mileage may vary.

CTV red carpet interview with Jake Gyllenhaal

Yes, it's worth all that trouble just to see Jake being the darling man he is. Sorry, my multiple attempts to capture the stream to a video file so I could edit out the garbage all failed. Hopefully this will show up on YouTube or Google Video soon.

All photos: IHJ.

Was it good for you?

(or G-Day, Sept. 7, 2007: The Day the Gyllenhaalics Attacked!)

Congratulations to Kate (WDW) at Wet Dark and Wild and Becky (Prophecy Girl) at Jake Watch on their interactions with the Gyllenhaal yesterday at the Toronto International Film Festival. It was obvious to me from the photos posted by both women that they had indeed met each other there. (PG confirmed this in her JW post.)

Photo by WDW

Photo by Prophecy Girl

Not surprisingly, every Gyllenhaalic has her or his own perspective on Jake and what he means to them. I could sit here and make a table distinguishing our various opinions and beliefs, as I have interpreted them, but my point is that while we all see something wonderful in Jake, no two of us have exactly the same image of the man in our minds. He is someone, something, that is to be experienced uniquely by everyone. I love that about him.

Yes, the past 24 hours have been an orgy of Jakeness, but only in the most superficial way. It's not that I'm complaining about the photographs--who would? But any opportunity to hear from Jake, in his own words, is something I treasure, and so far the only interview available is this one from Entertainment Weekly. There were brief clips of Jake, intercut with Reese, discussing those rumors, but I am still waiting for something more of substance to come out of TIFF. I'm sure there is more on the way; I must be patient.

Meanwhile, these are my favorite random anecdotes and gags from the weekend's madness so far. First, the flight attendant boyfriend of Adrian, a moderator on the Dave Cullen forums, has become a major hero to the 'Lashers simply by telling them what in their hearts they already knew: Jake is a nice, charming young man. Chad said,

he is very handsome man and a lot more tall than I thought he was and he have great smile and he smile all the time. he does not act like other celebrity sometimes do. anyways, that is what I will tell you. he is very nice guy.

Yet another confirmation of Jake's renown goodness comes from a society writer at the Toronto National Post, who just happened to be in the kitchen of Sotto Sotto (Who the hell names their restaurant "below below"? Is it in a basement? Xenia, is there some other meaning here of which my terribly weak, musically-influenced grasp of Italian has not made me aware?) when the sunshine of my life walked in. In addition to his not-so-subtly appreciative description of Jake's appearance ("Deeply V-necked, pleasantly broad-shouldered, and with that paralyzing dopey smile..."), Shinan Govani tells us

Jake, meanwhile, gave us a glimpse of his singularly sportybrainy-emo brand in Hollywood — the kind of chap who can competitive-bike-ride, do crosswords and get teary-eyed via Keats. The night was almost done, and he, polite to the end, thanked everyone and told Mama in particular that he dug her lasagna.

Damn straight he did. Probably with a fork the size of a shovel.

While those who were graced with his shining presence seem unanimous in declaring Jake a walking anachronism of good manners and intellect gentleman, the online shenanigans have continued, including yet another reference to Jake's crotch (Lesbians love Jake, too; why am I not surprised? Featuring such quotable reader comments as "flip you over, eat you like a pudding cup, ass smacking beast")...and this silly parody which I am not at all embarrassed to admit made me laugh.

However, the single most moving thing I've read today was this dream described by jakethesnake at the DC Forum.

He's all playful, and being funny and silly, and I'm trying to hold it together. And then I notice that all the sudden the table is extremely intimate and cozy and Jake has scooted down in his chair and kinda nestled himself NEXT TO MY ARM!! We are touching!! The whole left side of my body is making contact with his whole right side....We remain like that for the entire program, snug as a bug in a rug. I keep stealing glances of his giant blue eyes (the room is dim and there are candles on the table and his eyes are glowing from the candles!) and he's still all giggly and warm and cozy. I can still feel his warmth on my body just thinking about it.

....I think it's kinda a metaphor for what he's really like...he's really warm and genuine and silly and playful.

This, to me, beats any sex dream by a million light years. Because it encapsulates exactly what it is that I, too, feel for Jake; this strange perception of a comfortable companion, someone with whom everything is all right, and safe, and fun. It's powerful stuff. I'm hoping I can have one just like it tonight.

Update:

Naturally, once I gave up looking for news and got busy downloading over 200 new images of Jake, Vanessa Farquharson updated her blog just for us. This woman is now an honorary Gyllenhaalic in my eyes. She asked, and Jake answered (!), no less than three of the questions I suggested on Thursday.

Me: Do you ever read anything about yourself on the Internet?
Jake: (Another pause) “Sometimes people send me funny things … I’ll leave it at that.”

Me: Do you know about the Jake in ‘08 presidential campaign? It was a MySpace page but it got taken down recently.
Jake: “Wow, no, I don’t.”

Me: I hear you’re really into food — how do you feel about cilantro? Some people love it but other people think it tastes like soap.
Jake: “Oh, I really don’t like cilantro! It’s like the only herb I don’t like.”
Me: It’s a very divisive herb.
Jake: “It is.”

As if I need more direct evidence that Jake really was put on this earth for me. Jake, we are meant to be together.

Unfortunately, she still hasn't replied to my inquiry about when her Rendition interview is going to be available. If anyone sees it somewhere, please, give me a shout.


Photos: Jake Watch, Wet Dark and Wild, IHJ, and one from I can't remember where. Don't sue me.

Green, with envy

This morning I've found the blog of a journalist at Toronto's National Post who has tipped readers that she will be interviewing Jake Gyllenhaal on Friday. You all may want to take her up on her offer....

if you have any pressing questions for Jake Gyllenhaal, feel free to post them in the comments section below

I'll be coming up with my best efforts on the drive to work. If anyone leaves Vanessa a comment/question about Jake, please post it here, too, so we can all go back later and see whose questions she used, and which ones Jake actually answers. Won't that be fun?

I'll be back soon. Work calls. Bleh.

***
As I drove, I tried to refine the list of questions that are ever-present in my head, narrowing it to those I think a spunky journalist might really ask him given the chance. I reviewed some questions that I had jotted in my green velvet journal back when my obsession was new, and discovered that most of those rather basic issues had been answered (dogs vs. cats; Mac vs. Windows/PC; etc.--these are essential details that reveal quite a bit about anyone, seriously). Ultimately I only sent Vanessa one of the longtime questions in my list. It's the one about cilantro. I hate cilantro. Here's what I've sent, so far.

Wow...not sure you know what you've opened yourself up to here. ;) I think you'll take care of the basic Rendition questions (What's his opinion on the policy of extraordinary rendition, and has making this movie affected his views on it) so I'm going to suggest questions that we Gyllenhaalics would love to have answered. Number one on that list is:

What is his next project? And when will it begin?


Additionally...

Has he accepted a part in the (now-Broadway) play Farragut North?

Does he ever read anything about himself on the internet?

Did he know that there is a small campaign by Gyllenhaalics to have him elected President in 2008, despite his ineligibility on the grounds of age?

What would he do first if he were elected?

What does he think Robert Downey, Jr. meant when he described Jake as "wet, dark and wild?"

(These are from the Barbara Walters in me, I guess)

What does he believe is his worst vice?

He's a chef. What does he think about cilantro? (there are quite a few people out here to whom it tastes like soap, including me)

Describe his most recent dream.

(And, on the green side)

Why doesn't he bring his own reusable bags when grocery shopping instead of accepting paper or plastic?

What happened to the (two) Camry hybrid(s) he told the GQ interviewer he was going to buy? We never see him in it.

I’ve pointed other Gyllenhaalics here, by the way. Hope you don’t get overwhelmed.

Don't worry, I see someone else has already suggested she ask him about Boo. I personally don't want to push him on that--if I had to give up a companion animal, which might be what happened, I would rather not be reminded of it. Many years ago my family was forced to find new homes for two cats, and I have never stopped thinking about them.

Anyway, I do hope you all will take advantage of this woman's (probably already regretted) generous suggestion. Even if she doesn't ask him any of our specific questions, hopefully she will at least read them, and thus go into the interview knowing enough about Jake to make her a worthy questioner.

Photos: IHJ.

Desperation grows

Not sure I can take much more of this waiting. True, I have every movie Jake's made since he was 17 on DVD to watch over and over again, not to mention all those interviews from February on the DVR. But damn, Jake, I'm missing you. Hearing that he and Reese had apparently canceled all one-on-one interviews at TIFF did not improve this situation, though I am willing to believe that it was done for good reason.

This, on the other hand, defies reason. It's one of the handful of inane hit results returned when I search these days for news of Jake's status. This is what a Jakeless summer has reduced us to. This, and Maggie in expensive S&M undies (looking sexy as hell, but not, alas, her brother), and unconfirmed stories regarding relationships of former costars (to which I refuse to link and whom are also not Jake).

Darling, please, come up for air soon, okay?

While I'm hoping to find out what the hell Jake's doing now, I find it interesting in a sociological kind of way to observe what sort of information others are seeking about him.

Lycos's search results page offers:

Narrow Your Search
Jake Gyllenhaal Wallpaper
Biography and Jake Gyllenhaal
Jake Gyllenhaal Interviews
Fan Club for Jake Gyllenhaal
Jake Gyllenhaal Married
Jake Gyllenhaal Facts
How Tall Is Jake Gyllenhaal
The Actor Jake Gyllenhaal
Does Jake Gyllenhaal Have a Girlfriend
Is Jake Gyllenhaal Gay

and behind their "More »" link...

Where Does Jake Gyllenhaal Live [stalker or newbie paparazzo? you decide]
Who Is Jake Gyllenhaal Dating [this matters why, exactly?]
Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal Related
Jake Gyllenhaal Body
Jake Gyllenhaal Filmography
Jake Gyllenhaal Backgrounds
Jake Gyllenhaal No Clothes [apparently the word "nude" escapes the typical Lycos searcher]
Is Jake Gyllenhaal Single
Jake Gyllenhaal Favorite Color [nice to know Jake still has 13-year-old fans, too]
Jake Gyllenhaal Desktop Wallpaper
Jake Gyllenhaal Wallpaper 2003
Jake Gyllenhaal Posters
How Much Does Jake Gyllenhaal Weigh [planning on carrying him away to your secret hideout, perhaps?]
Jake Gyllenhaal Buddy Icons
Jake Gyllenhaal Birthday
Kirsten Dunst Boyfriend

I really need to stay away from the web searches for a while. It's all very depressing.

All photos: IHJ.

Any minute now

One unfortunate side effect of Jake's summer vacation has been the uninterrupted propagation of the same old assorted rumors and gossip about his personal life by people who pretend their word is fact. I suppose in a way I do sympathize with them--they are just as susceptible as I am to Jake withdrawal. Perhaps they are hoping that such an unrelenting assault on that wall of official silence will finally prompt someone inside to make a statement. It wouldn't surprise me if they believed that, considering the delusional nature of some of their professed "news."

I don't need a crystal ball to confidently predict that in the next handful of days, we will suddenly have sightings and possibly photos of Jake at home in Los Angeles. With Rendition's TIFF Gala screening scheduled for September 7, Jake will be in Toronto a mere nine or ten days from now. We know how he loves to gad about the country; a rapid succession of airport appearances is all but guaranteed as he returns home, runs errands, and packs off again for the Great White North. (I just realized in writing this that Jake attended the 2005 TIFF three glorious, envy-inducing nights in a row. Where the hell was I in 2005?) I will breathe a seemingly unwarranted and preposterously overwrought sigh of relief when everyone resumes discussion of Jake's manner of dress, selection of purchases, and hairstyle of the moment...the things that matter, in other words.

I also find it gratifying that while the news outlets seem to be calling Rendition Reese Witherspoon's new movie, once again, as in the trailer, Jake has been granted top billing in the TIFF's online listing for the film. Alphabetical preference? Not exactly, as Alan Arkin came in third. Probably doesn't mean anything to anyone else, but I like it.

Thanks again to Xenia for a couple of things: first, I have implemented those shirts inspired by your comment in a new CafePress shopfront. There's nothing earth-shattering there, and certainly nothing that could be considered "art," so no markup has been applied to any item. Someone profits, but it ain't me. Second, I have really been enjoying my rediscovered Radiohead CDs! And I haven't done a lot of searching yet, but so far what I've heard of the White Stripes has me convinced that yes, I have heard them before, and of course liked what I heard. I guess I will have to start listening to the radio again, perhaps streaming while I write at night. So many things that I have missed in my self-imposed isolation!

Also, thanks to Prophecy Girl of Jake Watch for giving Zen Gyllenhaalism a mention on the blog. And thanks to everyone else who has visited, and especially commented, so far. I'd write anyway, but it wouldn't be anywhere near as much fun without you.

All photos: IHJ.