Screwed

I'm trying to remain positive about this. (Being positive about anything at this hour when my mood has not yet risen to a completely functional elevation is daunting, so hopefully you'll understand if I fail to sound enthusiastic.) There's more news this morning, courtesy of the Hollywood Reporter, about that mysterious project Variety mentioned the other day. According to them, both Jake Gyllenhaal and Jessica Biel are "attached" to Nailed, a "risque political satire" to be directed by David O. Russell.

Risque political satire.

That sounds refreshing, actually. Except the political part. I love Jake's selectivity and principled choices, but he's already being pigeonholed by some critics as too political. Anyway, that's not the point. The point I was gonna make has to do with HR's description of the plot.

Biel would play Sammy Joyce, a socially awkward small-town receptionist who has a nail accidentally shot into her head by a clumsy workman, eliciting wild sexual urges.

The uninsured Joyce goes on a crusade to Washington to fight for the rights of the bizarrely injured. She meets an immoral congressman (Gyllenhaal) who takes advantage of her sex drive and capitalizes on her crusade as Joyce heads into her own career in politics.

Ugh.

For those who are wondering why I'm not on my knees thanking god or whatever powers responsible that Jake is guaranteed to have a sex scene if this movie happens, please allow me to explain. No, actually, I think this Cinema Blend post effectively demonstrates it well enough. I'm not saying I make the same assumption that Josh Tyler has, only that his take is completely reasonable and probably not unique.

But I said I was trying to be positive, so here goes. First, Jake's potential role sounds smarmy and somewhat villainous, which would be absolutely delicious. Second, yeah, the probable (I hate to jinx it by saying inevitable) sex scene(s). Yes, I really did mean to put that second. Because as much as I fantasize about Jake and would love to be helped along by some new material, the context does matter to me. And third, satire. That's even better than a romcom, if you ask me, as long as it's well-written and directed. So, my intrigue at the floated title has grown into guarded optimism that the project will not be dismissed by critics based on its synopsis and will actually become something keen and titillating at the same time.

That is, if it happens at all. I don't know what the rules are in Hollywood. What needs to transpire before someone can say an actor is "attached" to his or her project, anyway? A phone call to someone's agent to see if they're interested? A pie-in-the-sky wish? HR clearly states that no contracts exist, yet.

Meanwhile, there's confusion about whether Brothers has already begun filming, like, last week, or today, or when. IMDb still says principal photography begins on November 27, while posters to the site's message board say trailers for the actors are already setup onsite at the College of Santa Fe in New Mexico. That Jake suddenly shaved off the beard he's been telling everyone was grown specifically for this movie has certainly added to the confusion. My friends know I always thought the beard was premature anyway, probably half for some kind of Brothers pre-production and half for the orneriness of keeping it when everyone seemed to be complaining. Whether the beard was only needed for scenes that have already been filmed, will reappear soon, or was never meant for the movie to begin with (maybe he just said that to stop people from asking about it), it's nice to have something vitally important to debate again.

Satellite of love

News always breaks overnight. It's a conspiracy to keep me from sleeping, and it's working. Variety reports that Jake Gyllenhaal has signed on to star in a DreamWorks project about colonization of the moon. Sigh.

They call it an "actioner." I cringed. Okay, I admit a love-hate relationship with The Day After Tomorrow, which I re-watched many times before realizing Jake was my ultimate goal in life. The effects, minus those awful wolves, were spectacular, and the tornadoes in Los Angeles always got me. But let's face it, the film took lots of liberties with science. Not just the climate stuff, either. I remember laughing the first time I saw a trailer for it, and they showed that big wave crashing into the NYC high-rises...and flowing around them. Huh?? I know water is fluid, but, uh, whatever.

This as-yet untitled moon project may not be the cerebral comedy I still hope Jake will find, but it does have potential. Action flicks have heroes. Sam Hall was a terrific teenage geeky genius lovestruck hero, even if he did start by burning the books instead of the furniture (I never understood that). What kind of role will Jake have in this thing? One of the colonists? He's obviously the lead, as he's the only one cast so far. I can't object to Jake wanting to do another blockbuster, if that's what this will be. He's got to cut loose once in a while and just do something that makes him jump up in the screening room and yell, "This movie rocks!" But we don't know enough yet to say that this is that. What we know is that Jake has gone from nothing (officially) in the works to busiest man in the world again. Obviously that nice summer vacation did the trick.

Incidentally, I love little convergences like this. Mark Bowden is better known as the guy who wrote Black Hawk Down, who exchanged this correspondence with Anthony Swofford.

That brings me back to my other concern, and this is a big one. It stems from the comment that Bowden "did a complete reconception of the story and will pen the screenplay." Stories that have to be completely re-written don't inspire much confidence in me. But of course I must reserve judgment. Jake thought it was good enough to attach his name to it, and that's encouraging. Plus if it ends up as total shit, we know Jake will not hold back in telling them so.

All photos: IHJ.

Oh, brother

Someone at Relativity Media has a terrific sense of humor.

Tobey Maguire, Tobey's wife Jennifer Meyer, and Jake Gyllenhaal pose at the 18th Annual Producers Guild Awards in January

According to this story in Variety, Jake Gyllenhaal and Tobey Maguire may play brothers in an upcoming film to be titled, well, Brothers.

The film, a remake of Susanne Bier's Danish-language war drama, centers on a man (Maguire) who is sent to fight in Afghanistan while his black-sheep brother (Gyllenhaal) cares for his wife and child.

Sigh. Jake's going to be the black sheep. Who could have predicted that?

No, seriously, I hope this one sticks. Not just because it's set to start filming in two months, either. Director Jim Sheridan is responsible for one of my favorite movies, In the Name of the Father.

Still, there is no escaping the irony of putting Jake and Tobey in a film together as brothers. There are still people to this day who think Jake was Spider-Man. My mom used to be one of them. I finally disabused her of that notion, but have as yet failed to get her to pronounce Jake's last name properly. Parents. What can you do?

Back for more random squeeing and celebration later...I still have homework to finish.

Photo: IHJ.