11/5/07

Screwed

Friday night Jake: no more GyllenwolfI'm trying to remain positive about this. (Being positive about anything at this hour when my mood has not yet risen to a completely functional elevation is daunting, so hopefully you'll understand if I fail to sound enthusiastic.) There's more news this morning, courtesy of the Hollywood Reporter, about that mysterious project Variety mentioned the other day. According to them, both Jake Gyllenhaal and Jessica Biel are "attached" to Nailed, a "risque political satire" to be directed by David O. Russell.

Risque political satire.

That sounds refreshing, actually. Except the political part. I love Jake's selectivity and principled choices, but he's already being pigeonholed by some critics as too political. Anyway, that's not the point. The point I was gonna make has to do with HR's description of the plot.

Biel would play Sammy Joyce, a socially awkward small-town receptionist who has a nail accidentally shot into her head by a clumsy workman, eliciting wild sexual urges.

The uninsured Joyce goes on a crusade to Washington to fight for the rights of the bizarrely injured. She meets an immoral congressman (Gyllenhaal) who takes advantage of her sex drive and capitalizes on her crusade as Joyce heads into her own career in politics.
Ugh.

Covered from head to toe, I still want to grab JakeFor those who are wondering why I'm not on my knees thanking god or whatever powers responsible that Jake is guaranteed to have a sex scene if this movie happens, please allow me to explain. No, actually, I think this Cinema Blend post effectively demonstrates it well enough. I'm not saying I make the same assumption that Josh Tyler has, only that his take is completely reasonable and probably not unique.

But I said I was trying to be positive, so here goes. First, Jake's potential role sounds smarmy and somewhat villainous, which would be absolutely delicious. Second, yeah, the probable (I hate to jinx it by saying inevitable) sex scene(s). Yes, I really did mean to put that second. Because as much as I fantasize about Jake and would love to be helped along by some new material, the context does matter to me. And third, satire. That's even better than a romcom, if you ask me, as long as it's well-written and directed. So, my intrigue at the floated title has grown into guarded optimism that the project will not be dismissed by critics based on its synopsis and will actually become something keen and titillating at the same time.

That is, if it happens at all. I don't know what the rules are in Hollywood. What needs to transpire before someone can say an actor is "attached" to his or her project, anyway? A phone call to someone's agent to see if they're interested? A pie-in-the-sky wish? HR clearly states that no contracts exist, yet.

All the anti-grizzlies can stop bitching now. Babyface!Jake is back.Meanwhile, there's confusion about whether Brothers has already begun filming, like, last week, or today, or when. IMDb still says principal photography begins on November 27, while posters to the site's message board say trailers for the actors are already setup onsite at the College of Santa Fe in New Mexico. That Jake suddenly shaved off the beard he's been telling everyone was grown specifically for this movie has certainly added to the confusion. My friends know I always thought the beard was premature anyway, probably half for some kind of Brothers pre-production and half for the orneriness of keeping it when everyone seemed to be complaining. Whether the beard was only needed for scenes that have already been filmed, will reappear soon, or was never meant for the movie to begin with (maybe he just said that to stop people from asking about it), it's nice to have something vitally important to debate again.

14 comments

ncwoman said...

Jake Gyllenhaal is now officially the luckiest dude on the planet. I would literally be willing to sleep with Heath Ledger if it meant being able to play his role in this movie.

LMAO!!!

IMHO, yeah, the plot does sound like porn lite. But hell, I don't care. I'm more than ready to see Jake in a hot sex scene, with a hot actress like Jessica Biel...holy crap the mind boggles.

WHEW! Is it hot in here or is it just me and my hot flashes??

Xenia said...

I am not so keen on that plot either but I also think that even the plot of a beutiful, original movie as Secretary, could have seemed a little 'risquè'...
In short, let's hope it's not so 'cheap' (sorry Jake, you know I love you and you can play even Mickey Mouse if you want and I will come to see you) as it seems at first sight...

And yay for a hot&sweaty sex scene!!;)

BirdGirl said...

Okay, okay. I do not like the sound of the plot. I rather dislike Jessica Biel. I would even use a stronger word then dislike. But...

good God I am ready for sex scene. I will take it anyway I can get it (he he). The man has got me so worked up I can hardly stand it. Maybe it was that dream I had the other night?

Cherita said...

You all crack me up. :D

I'm definitely looking forward to it, if it comes to pass. Charlene, you and I discussed the letdown from Douglas's first scene in Rendition after that description we all read, so I know we're both looking for something a little, ah, more. Not that there was anything bad about the bathroom scene....

Xenia, you made an absolutely brilliant point about Secretary (which I unfortunately have only read about and seen excerpts from). That's exactly why I'm staying optimistic about this project. And yeah, even if I thought it was certain to be pure shit, I'd go see it for Jake. He's never failed to move me, no matter what went on around him.

I have to say, BG, I was not thrilled to see Jake's name and Jessica Biel's attached to the same project when I first read the Variety bit, because she's not exactly known for her acting ability. But I'm trying to be charitable and not prejudge her. After all, she did The Illusionist with Ed Norton and Paul Giamatti and didn't make it suck. She didn't leave much impression at all, in fact, but that's better than remembering how terrible she was.

ncwoman said...

Jake's potential role sounds smarmy and somewhat villainous, which would be absolutely delicious.

Exactly, my dear! And add in the potential for hot steamy sweaty sex....guh.

As far as Jessica's acting ability goes, you have a good point. However, I like to think that Jake's presence and talent will rub off and will elevate her abilities to his level.

Cherita said...

Well, let's face it, if her role is someone who is in a perpetual state of heat, being on the set with Jake means it won't require any acting at all. Fuck, I could do that role and win an award.

BirdGirl said...

Frankly I am hoping that I won't notice her at all. :) She will be always be Mary from 7th Heaven to me. I am embarrassed to have watched that stupid show more then once. LAME!

Oh well, I will just focus on the "hot steamy sweaty sex" potential. Lord now I need another cold shower.

BirdGirl said...

Here here sister.

Cherita said...

I never saw an episode of 7th Heaven in my life, probably because I'm in a different generation. ;) But yeah, let's consider her our stand-in. I immediately pictured the immoral congressman (is that redundant or what?) with Douglas Freeman hair, but I'm open to other interpretations. Somehow I think Jimmy Livingston and Donnie Darko/Joe Nast are out, but they might surprise us with Congressman Hal Dobbs, you know?

BirdGirl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BirdGirl said...

I deleted my last comment because it had an obvious spelling error and I couldn't take it.

Mmmmm congressman Hal Dobbs, that’s an interesting thought. As long as he doesn't have a shirt on it's fine with me. :) I'm sorry I have a one track mind.

Cherita said...

LOL! That's okay, I know that those Mario Testino photos were mighty potent for me, too. I think one deserves a poem.

BirdGirl said...

Oh yes. We need a poem. Well I do any way. ;)

Cherita said...

It's under pre-visualization right now, and may actually exist some time tomorrow. :) The visualizing is just so, so nice.