Impenetrable mysteries of the Gyllenverse, part III

We're all thinking it: how many pairs of sneakers does Jake have, and just what does he do with them all?

I have a theory about this one, but it has absolutely no basis in reality whatsoever. Just something that sounds good to me, so I'm sticking with it until he makes a statement disproving it. My theory later. First, let's talk about...

Jake Gyllenhaal's Nike Sneaker Addiction

According to this completely unscientific survey from Mister Poll, the average consumer's sneakers last between six months and two years before they need replacement. Sure, there are those who like to have a few different pairs around for different activities, I suppose. Maybe three, tops.

In my investigation, I went back to the beginning of September this year to learn just how many different Nike sneakers Jake has been seen in.

    Nike pair #1, 9/4/07
  • September 4: Having started the day wearing what look to my amateur eyes to be a pair of Adidas, one of his rare departures from the Nike swoosh, Jake shows off these Nikes while out to dinner in Los Angeles.

  • Nike pair #2, 9/9/07
  • September 9: In New York for the start of the Rendition press tour, Jake takes in some U.S. Open tennis with his friend, wearing this pair. Wave to the scumbag pap, Jake!

  • Nike pair #2, second wearing, 9/15/07
  • September 15: RE-TREAD--Jake takes a stroll in SoHo with director Noah Baumbach. Apparently, he has brought a single pair of Nikes to NY, and has not had the chance to shop for more.

  • Nike pair #3, 9/25/07
  • September 25: Back home in Los Angeles, Jake valet parks for coffee in a new pair of swooshes. He'll later be photographed in the bizarre big-necked blue sweatshirt two three five days in a row, but this particular pair of Nikes is never seen again.

  • Nike(?) pair #4, 10/10/07
  • October 10: Once more leaving Joan's on Third in L.A., with one of the assorted lucky assistant types that alternate in his service, Jake wears what honestly could be something other than Nikes, but let's count them anyway since they don't have the obvious appearance of another brand. And they're different from the last pair.

  • Nike pair #5, 10/23/07
  • October 23: Still wearing his then-favorite tan t-shirt, Jake takes a walk in L.A. with Brothers director Jim Sheridan, introducing us to the longest-running pair of Nikes so far in the study.

  • Nike pair #5, second wearing, 10/28/07
  • October 28: RE-TREAD #1--Jake wears them again when he attends a concert in the company of Robert Downey, Jr. at a club in West Hollywood. He has, however, switched off to the gray t-shirt.

  • Nike pair #5, third wearing, 10/31/07
  • October 31: RE-TREAD #2--For an unprecedented third time, we see Jake wearing the pale Nikes with the red-outlined swoosh and the yellow heel insert in the sole as he approaches his ride in Beverly Hills. This was the day of the infamous "pap-slap," possibly inspired by sneaker ennui. (Later that night, Jake was photographed wearing these completely unidentifiable [by me] reflective sneakers, in addition to a gorilla suit).

  • Nike pair #5, fourth wearing, 11/2/07
  • November 2: RE-TREAD #3 (!!)--Nevertheless, when Jake gets papped arriving at a basketball game at L.A.'s Staples Center, the gray-yellow-red Nikes are back for one last hurrah.

  • Nike pair #6, 11/6/07
  • November 6: I've never seen anyone so beautiful in all my life. Ahem! Sorry, on with it. Walking with Reese in an L.A. parking lot, Jake coordinates a new pair of Nikes with his oddly sexy sweat shorts. The orange shirt is...less sexy, but on Jake, does it really matter?

  • Nike pair #7, 11/9/07
  • November 9: Somewhere in a garage in Los Angeles, Jake Gyllenhaal debuts his SEVENTH pair of Nike sneakers in two months. He also dons the same layered shirts that I admired so from the Clippers game. Thanks, baby!

There you have it. Seven distinct pairs of Nike sneakers over the span of sixty-six days. And those are just the ones captured in photographs. Who knows how many different Nikes he wore on the days in between?

My theory is sort of developed around the observation that Jake has been known to re-wear several sets of non-sneaker foot attire (the battered black boots and the thong-sandals come to mind), but once we see him in a different pair of Nikes, the previous pairs never appear again. This new-sneaker addiction, an observable quirk, is all the more prominent because of Jake's well-documented penchant for wearing the same clothes over a span of a year or more. Also, every pair of sneakers we see him in looks brand new. He never seems to wear them out. Does Jake test shoes for Nike? One might reasonably make such a guess. I think, however, that Jake loves to buy new sneakers, loves to coordinate them with his clothes when possible, but then almost immediately sees something new that he wants.

Therefore, my official Jake Gyllenhaal Nike Sneaker Disposition Theory is that Jake wears the sneakers once or twice and then donates them somewhere. I know, it's a stretch, but it certainly fits the evidence. It's nicer to believe this than imagine a room in his house dedicated to forgotten Nikes, piled knee-deep, the door kept locked except when he comes home to discard the latest castoffs as he prepares to break in yet another new pair.

All photos: IHJ.


welliwont said...

Oh my! I LOVE this post!! You did just what I've been thinking of doing, except I think you should go back further, say one year minimum, or two years would be better. :) Just book a week of work why dontcha? And lots of pics, big pics, so I can save them to my shrine, please. :*

Love love LOVE this report, thanks baby! I sure wish I knew where Jakey donates (this is my theory too btw) his consecrated runners, I would soooo love to get me a pair, even if they'd be too big for me. I wouldn't care, I'd wear 'em anyways, hahaha :D

Xenia said...

Yeah, a locked room with piles of boxes of forgotten sneakers, Jake diving into them to feel them all around him...like Scrooge McDuck and his strongroom of coins and bills...:)

Even if I think he'd rather need a whole house for his sneakers...;)

Cherita said...

Wow, glad you liked it, welliwont! It took me an entire day to do that post just going back two months, and while I'm certainly curious how the one-year numbers would stack, I don't have the time to devote to a post about it! :D You do know that all the sneaks in the post are clickable, right? That's part of why the post took all damn day--Blogger's image upload system is clunky, to put it charitably. And yeah, I'm guessing a lot of people would love to wear Jake's practically new reject Nikes. If he gave me a pair, I'd wear them, but beyond that, I'm not really interested. In all seriousness (and I know you understand this too) I hope the shoes are going to people who have much bigger concerns than who wore them last, like where to get the next meal or where they will sleep tonight.

Your imagery of Jake diving into his sea of Nikes cracked me up, Xenia! I can actually see it: Jake comes home from a particularly confrontational paparazzi run-in, and goes straight to his personal Niketorium to wallow soothingly in the swoosh. Maybe he does both...piles them up for a while, then each time he adds a pair to the pile, takes one out for donation? ;)

BirdGirl said...

I hope that this doesn't double post. I am having trouble today.

LOL. I love it. What a great idea. I have often wondered about his shoes too. If you remember he also had a thing for white Converse All Stars at the end and the beginning of this year. I think that the guy in GQ even remarked on them. He said that he thinks that he has a bunch of pair of them so he can put a new bright white pair on every day.

I think that if I could get my hands on some of his slightly used shoes I would leave my house for weeks. I would walk around in them and slip farther and farther into my dream world. Maybe it isn’t a good idea.

welliwont said...

Cherita! No, I didn't realize they were clickable! Wassamatter with me??? :o Well! this takes your post to a whole new level!! whoooo-eeee!

"Don't have the time to devote" to this critical research?? I don't believe you! :p CMC, I *told* you, take a week off work!! Don't you get vacation down there?? :) ;) :D lol! (j/k)

Ok, now back to studying the runners. Thanks again baby, I have already saved your whole post. :*

Cherita said...

BG, funny you should mention GQ, as I was planning to read that interview again today. I do remember the comment about the very new-looking white Converse sneakers. With something made of canvas like that, so prone to getting dirty, I'd guess he really would want to wear them only once. Wow, I am cooking up a whole pathology of compulsivity for Jake, aren't I? ;) Hey, we've all got our quirks.

Good thing I told you about the images, welliwont! LOL! Glad you grabbed them now. I almost included thumbs of the full Jake along with the sneaker thumbs, but I'd never have finished uploading plus the page would have been severely busy. As for using a week's vacation to document Jake's shoe proclivities, well, I have a vacation scheduled for Christmas time, but something tells me I won't be using it for that purpose. You're welcome to take up the task, if you desire, and I'll be eager to publish your findings! :D

BirdGirl said...

God damn he looks so good in that second to last one. When he wears shorts it makes me go weak. And the little no show socks on top of it. *falls over dead*