11/13/07

Therapy and item number 8860

Jake Gyllenhaal, ACLU rentboyDays like today, when I'm sitting at work and completely uninterested in doing any aspect of my job, I find myself loading the same web pages over and over again, looking for news of Jake that doesn't consist solely of rehashings of paraphrasings of sightings posted only so that the author can get those keywords into the stream again for the day. I couldn't begin to tell you what I'm expecting to find, but it beats the hell out of updating attendance records and scheduling interviews. I did feel a perverse glee when I confirmed that Lions for Lambs currently has a 26% rating at Rotten Tomatoes, which makes Rendition's 45% seem positively glowing by comparison.

One of the things that happens when you pass out in the shower and then tearfully confess to your family that you have been severely depressed for a while is that the ER doctor tells you to see a therapist. This is different from seeing the psychiatrist who has been prescribing your antidepressants for about seventeen years, because the pill doctor's job is to fix your brain chemistry. The therapist's job is to make you think about stuff. I think about stuff too much already, so I was never helped by or interested in therapy. But considering how badly the latest depression scared me, it seemed like a good idea to comply, so I went yesterday.

When the doctor asked me what type of man I'm interested in, I laughed and plucked my Jake in '08 t-shirt away from my chest. "This guy, right here," I told him. He was amused and not overly concerned. He also didn't recognize Jake, which really didn't bother me, as he may not get out to the movies much. But when we talked about my complete lack of romantic interaction, he pointed at Jake on my chest and asked, "If he came up to you tomorrow and asked you out, would you accept?"

And the question was so apt, I gave the most honest answer I could: I don't know.

I don't know what Jake is doing here, but he's adorableBecause my problem is, and always has been, my perception of myself. If Jake Gyllenhaal wanted to be with me, could I let myself trust his judgment that I was, in fact, worthy of him? I wish I could just shout an emphatic yes, yes, YES! in reply, but I'm not there yet. It's something I have to continue to work on. The FedEx delivery guy that came in the office this morning seemed a little weak in the knees; he looked like I feel when I stumble upon someone who really attracts me. He wasn't bad, either. But who knows. Maybe he just ate a tainted Egg McMuffin this morning.

Of course, being approached by Jake for a date is quite a different issue from winning one in a charity auction, but it did make me wonder what it is I think I'd say to the man if given that chance. His ACLU of Southern California price is currently holding at $5,000. I don't blame Jake that the opening bid was far too high, because for all I know it was based on the results of last year's auction, and in either case I'm sure Jake had fuckall to do with setting the number. For that price, Jake ought to be cooking and serving the lunch.

They're right, you know. Jake has brains AND he's beautiful.I wonder if he's even seen the auction's headline. It appears to have been written by someone who scanned the fan sites and forums for ideas. Or, hell, maybe Jake's incredible appeal is just that universal and simple. Do other male celebrities get called beautiful by random observers? I mean, it's my word of choice for Jake, too, but I'm rather biased. Anyway, what would we talk about? He's already answered my cilantro question. Honestly, I love Donnie Darko, but I don't need Jake to explain it to me. Maybe I could explain it to him. Oh, and I could ask him what the story is with all those sneakers. But then he'd know just how creepily interested in his life I really am.

Auction photo thumbnailed from Charity Folks. Other photos found in assorted places on the web.

8 comments

BirdGirl said...

I am happy to see that you have someone to talk to. Not that I don't think that we can solve all of your problems. ;) It is always a good idea to have a professional of some sort to talk to when you are feeling depressed. The thought of seeing a therapist is actually more frightening to me then taking meds. I have always had issues talking about my problems. The mere idea of talking about them with a complete stranger causes me sever anxiety. It's stupid I know.

It is good though. He can help sort out all of those things in your head. Hell, you might even figure out what you want. In a man and out of life.

I have often wondered what I would say to Jake if he came in the front door and professed his love for me. I think my first response would be "Why?".

Cherita said...

I deleted your deleted duplicate. :) I don't think having anxiety over talking to a therapist is stupid at all; it makes perfect sense to me. Thanks for your supportive thoughts! I don't know how much the therapy can accomplish, but I'm going to give it a chance.

I know I sound like an idiot when I say I wouldn't know what to discuss with Jake, but I mean, for that much money, it would suck not to have fun. And I wouldn't want to sound like a goddamn reporter, either, asking a bunch of probing questions. Having one or two ideas in mind, just in case, would really put me more at ease. But it's moot since there's no way in hell I can bid. :P

Xenia said...

Oh Cherita, you'll never know how much I understand you, and you don't have to because you need no duplicate to your sorrow...

Sometimes I think that the worst would Jake refusing me, sometimes instead I think that it'd be him saying 'yes' because that'd mean that I ought to be up to it and I really don't know if I could make it...
I remember a sentence from R.Redford's "Common people", when the therapist says to Timothy Hutton's suicidal character : 'I see: he (his father) loves you but he's wrong' I think that summons well my contradictions...

I've been in therapy for 4 years (I stopped 4 years ago because even if therapy, and my wonderful therapist, saved my life I was becoming a person I didn't recognize as myself anymore) and I remember the settings as the best time of my life because I was really suffering and needing someone to stop it somehow...Jesus what a great time I had...;)

Hold on, my friend, hold on...:)

Cherita said...

I remember a sentence from R.Redford's "Common people", when the therapist says to Timothy Hutton's suicidal character : 'I see: he (his father) loves you but he's wrong' I think that summons well my contradictions...

Yes, and mine too. I know without a doubt that you understand completely. :)

I can't imagine becoming a different person as a result of therapy, but there are some things that could stand changing, so we'll see what happens.

Prophecy Girl said...

OK, so I started writing you a comment yesterday and then got distracted and turned off my computer without posting it. Yes, I am occasionally spastic.

Anyway, I think you give yourself FAR too little credit! You are assuming that it would be up to you to keep the conversation going with Jake when it is actually his job to be entertaining and tell dumb stories. Ergo, if you did buy the meeting with him, I have a feeling the pressure would be more on him than on you. ;) You paid for him. He's gotta feel a little pressure! ;D And while it would be good to take advantage of your time to ask some burning questions, I'll bet just observing him for a couple hours would be incredibly enlightening...

Wow, that sounded creepy. I didn't mean it that way. Obviously. :) And that's all purely speculatory because I don't foresee any of us suddenly coming up with $6000 or so to buy him. :D But I do understand your reservations...and I certainly understand your, "I don't know," answer. I would say the same thing!! But he's got his flaws, too. I don't know which is worse: thinking he's perfect and above spending time with you...or fully coming to terms with the fact that he's most definitely not. :-/

And I'm glad you're talking to someone! I've been there! It can just be so helpful to have someone else interpret what's going on in your life. I hope it proves useful and productive. :)

Cherita said...

You are assuming that it would be up to you to keep the conversation going with Jake when it is actually his job to be entertaining and tell dumb stories.

You know, you're absolutely right. He's the freakin' celebrity supposedly worth a minimum of five grand. :X For one lunch! Not even to keep. Pffff!

I don't know which is worse: thinking he's perfect and above spending time with you...or fully coming to terms with the fact that he's most definitely not.

Oh god, isn't it the truth? What would I do with myself if the illusion were shattered? Of course, I could accept the reality if it included his wanting to see me again...this does pose a test to the meaning of the word reality, mind you. ;)

Prophecy Girl said...

What would I do with myself if the illusion were shattered?

Heh. :) I think you'd be OK!! I realized later what I had written there sounded really harsh. What I meant to say is that Jake couldn't possibly live up to any of our expectations of him, but that doesn't mean he's not an OK guy. And in "reality," OK might work out better for you than perfection anyway! Or at least one can hope...

Cherita said...

LOL! Don't worry, I knew what you meant. And yes, I think I'd be more than happy if he was just an okay guy, because those are in short supply, at least in my life. If I really thought he was perfect, he'd turn me off. :P