11/3/07

It's love

Jake, looking kinda soft and sweet in Rome

What you want and what is the truth are always two different things. -- Jake Gyllenhaal
Sweetheart, I couldn't have said it better myself.

Well, maybe I could have, but I wouldn't have looked nearly as good saying it.

Evidence that Rendition is still playing in at least one major metropolitan area: for whatever reason, this interview with Jake (the source of the quote above), which I'm guessing was taped in Toronto during the film festival, just appeared today on the Chicago CBS affiliate's website. Of course, they may have aired it earlier for all I know, since I do not live in Chicago.

I want to touch you, JakeAnyway, as you can see, I'm here, having not killed myself as promised. It's hard to estimate just how strangers reading my words have interpreted my depression; some would say I should not worry about what others think of me, but I'm suddenly feeling the need to express a very important fact about what's been happening to me. I want everyone to know, and understand, the truth: I was not made suicidal by the sudden revelation that Jake Gyllenhaal was romantically involved with someone.

Jake in InStyle, with Peter. So beautiful he makes me cry.I've been depressed for most of my life, clinically. On medication, which you may have noticed me joking about more than once. When the chemicals in your brain are imbalanced like mine, almost anything can trigger a deep trough, a black period in which life literally loses all meaning. In this case, the last in a series of mental health tripwires was my self-assessment in the wake of my reaction to the relationship "news." Unfortunately, knowing why you are depressed does not, contrary to what might seem logical, make the depression go away. My medication has been adjusted, and while the improvement so far can more likely be attributed to yet another mood swing than the meds, I feel better knowing I will feel better.

Positive signs:
Jake reinforces his cuddly factor
  1. I have not cried all day today. No, wait, that's not exactly true. I did weep a little after watching Mask on cable. Oh, and again at the end of Stranger Than Fiction. I was drawn into it by Emma Thompson and Maggie Gyllenhaal (whose performance left me talking back to Jake's image on my computer monitor--Your sister fucking rocks, baby!). Is it just me, or is Will Ferrell the most utterly charmless film star ever? On the Charm Continuum, if Jake Gyllenhaal is at one extreme (given), Ferrell is definitely at the other, infinitely dissipating extreme. But I digress.
  2. I'm starting to look forward to moving to California again.
  3. Best of all, I found myself smiling uncontrollably while downloading all those images of Jake that I've been meaning to grab...including those featuring him with Reese Witherspoon.
Jake brightens any sceneTo my great relief, in fact, I have been grinning, laughing and squeeing over Jake all day long. The concept that he might actually be as wonderful as he seems is no longer irrationally unsettling to me. I still love him, more than ever, and I'm grateful all over again for the pleasure he brings to my life. Wanting to be with him won't make it come true, but it fills the gaps with a perfect sweetness.

Photos: jakegyllenhaalfan.com, IHJ.

5 comments

ncwoman said...

*breathes a huge sigh of relief*

Okay.

Not that I thought you were suicidal, mind you. I think I know you pretty well, and I didn't think you were that low.

But I was very concerned, my dear friend. It is not like you to go so many days without writing, and having experienced deep depression myself before, I understand the need to withdraw. So I decided to let you be rather than bombard you with calls and emails and generally act like a mother (not that there's anything wrong with that..)

However, it does sound as if the darkness is lifting, and for that I am extremely grateful.

I love you, my friend.

BirdGirl said...

I am so glad that you are feeling better dear. I was starting to really get worried when we hadn't herd from you in a few days. I too figured that you just needed some time to readjust.

Now with some help from your friends and the Mighty Gyllenhaal we can try and keep that smile on your face.

I wanted to let you guys know that seeing those extremely sexy topless pics of Jake the other day (right before bed) gave me a sexy dream. All I remember is him standing over me and running my hands all over his chest. How funny. I remember that he smelled fantastic. Of course I got woken up by the fucking phone ringing before anything else could happen. But any sex related Jake dream is great fucking dream.

I know that you don’t have much luck in the dream department. I guess you will just have to do all your dreaming in the day time. :)

Cherita said...

Yes, I had to withdraw, for reasons I haven't really understood myself except that my attachment to you all, and to Jake, was a strong catalyst for my emotions. Anyway, I'm back, and while I'm not my normal self, I've never been particularly normal to begin with, so, yeah. :D Sorry to have made anyone worry.

I'm glad you got a nice dream out of those pics, BG! I still suspect I am having dreams about Jake that I just don't remember. Seems impossible that something which so completely fills my conscious thoughts wouldn't follow me into dreamland. Maybe it's a mercy granted by my mind; to wake from a dream of him and have to acknowledge that it wasn't real could be very distressing. But yes, those pics, and the one in particular, have fueled some very warm thoughts indeed.

BirdGirl said...

It's funny but I keep thinking that those pictures are like porn to me. :) I sent them to my friend Genny from my phone (yes I have them on my phone as well) and I had to warn her that if she was driving, she should pull over. His body is like a fucking work of art.

I completely understand about your attachment to us and Jake. It can be quite overwhelming at times. You just need to know that no matter what, we are here for you. We love you. :)

Xenia said...

Just dropped in to say hi to you all and to Cherita, it's wonderful to see you're back honey!! :)

I'm gonna have my dental intervention tomorrow and I'm a little 'tense'... ;)

That gidding and squeeing thing on Jake's pics are EXACTLY what I've never stopped to do staring at the pics of his, any kind of pics...I'm so addicted to this role that I usually do all my squeeing 'in English',haha that's my one and only 'Jake's obsessed' language!! :D

Oh and you and Charlene are fantastic together!...oh and Powder even, of course...;)
Glad you both a great time, see you in a few days...

Xenia xxx