Let me in

I tremble with the need to touch you.

This ache, long savored,
swells, filling my being
at the sight of your photographed image.

That you don't understand what your pictures bring
is part of the uncanny grace that makes you worth looking at.

So much of what you are is reflected
in glimpses, snapped
like this one
capturing a moment
of shyness
of sweetness
of subtle, tantalizing mischief
as the photographer no doubt has directed this half-naked stance.

So far beyond the mere aesthetic,
your profound beauty,
and it radiates through every still frame,
every candid exposure;
your expression says you think this photo will be pure beefcake, silly.

I see it with my heart.

Not a man without his shirt
but a man, full of humility, and humor, and a desire to please.

That is the genius of this photograph: it captures the essence of you.

And that is why I tremble.

My aching, yes, to caress the dark swirls on golden skin
and in doing, touch the man inside. You.


Photo by Mario Testino, as featured in Let Me in, by way of jakegyllenhaalfan.com.

It's love

What you want and what is the truth are always two different things. -- Jake Gyllenhaal

Sweetheart, I couldn't have said it better myself.

Well, maybe I could have, but I wouldn't have looked nearly as good saying it.

Evidence that Rendition is still playing in at least one major metropolitan area: for whatever reason, this interview with Jake (the source of the quote above), which I'm guessing was taped in Toronto during the film festival, just appeared today on the Chicago CBS affiliate's website. Of course, they may have aired it earlier for all I know, since I do not live in Chicago.

Anyway, as you can see, I'm here, having not killed myself as promised. It's hard to estimate just how strangers reading my words have interpreted my depression; some would say I should not worry about what others think of me, but I'm suddenly feeling the need to express a very important fact about what's been happening to me. I want everyone to know, and understand, the truth: I was not made suicidal by the sudden revelation that Jake Gyllenhaal was romantically involved with someone.

I've been depressed for most of my life, clinically. On medication, which you may have noticed me joking about more than once. When the chemicals in your brain are imbalanced like mine, almost anything can trigger a deep trough, a black period in which life literally loses all meaning. In this case, the last in a series of mental health tripwires was my self-assessment in the wake of my reaction to the relationship "news." Unfortunately, knowing why you are depressed does not, contrary to what might seem logical, make the depression go away. My medication has been adjusted, and while the improvement so far can more likely be attributed to yet another mood swing than the meds, I feel better knowing I will feel better.

Positive signs:

1. I have not cried all day today. No, wait, that's not exactly true. I did weep a little after watching Mask on cable. Oh, and again at the end of Stranger Than Fiction. I was drawn into it by Emma Thompson and Maggie Gyllenhaal (whose performance left me talking back to Jake's image on my computer monitor--Your sister fucking rocks, baby!). Is it just me, or is Will Ferrell the most utterly charmless film star ever? On the Charm Continuum, if Jake Gyllenhaal is at one extreme (given), Ferrell is definitely at the other, infinitely dissipating extreme. But I digress.
2. I'm starting to look forward to moving to California again.
3. Best of all, I found myself smiling uncontrollably while downloading all those images of Jake that I've been meaning to grab...including those featuring him with Reese Witherspoon.

To my great relief, in fact, I have been grinning, laughing and squeeing over Jake all day long. The concept that he might actually be as wonderful as he seems is no longer irrationally unsettling to me. I still love him, more than ever, and I'm grateful all over again for the pleasure he brings to my life. Wanting to be with him won't make it come true, but it fills the gaps with a perfect sweetness.

Photos: jakegyllenhaalfan.com, IHJ.

Screaming girls

Here's yet another great interview with Jake from London, this time in the Daily Mail. Today's lighthearted gem of a quote comes in response to the question of who Jake would like to be stuck in an elevator with. He sidesteps this neatly, as we have come to expect, by instead talking about the crazy interview he did with Susan Sarandon for Moonlight Mile, a portion of which took place in the ladies' room of a Manhattan restaurant.

I discovered two things that day: that the floor in a woman's bathroom is colder than the floor in the men's. And, believe me, I've spent a lot of time on the floor of a men's bathroom so I should know!

What, was he standing there barefoot? Positively priceless, darling. Now we'll have lots of blog posts in the next week about Jake Gyllenhaal's intimate knowledge of men's room floors. At least he didn't say they were airport men's rooms.

I'm not going to discuss the other thing he discovered, unless someone really wants me to. Because I could, you know. I'm just trying to be polite to my innocent readers.

Apparently he either has managed to avoid exposure to the redundant and conflicting agendas of the worst offenders, or recognizes that they do not represent all of us, because he has kind words for his fans in general. And in case anyone still doubted it, Jake confirms that he loves that red carpet attention, so I hope our Xenia and Kate screamed their lungs out for him in Rome. I'd love to scream for him, too, but I'd prefer to do it in a more private setting.

All photos: IHJ.

Morning glow

With thanks to Stephanie at IHJ, who apparently never sleeps, we have two new delights this morning before I've even brushed my teeth. First, go look at the website of Interview Magazine. They've just made available the photos from David Fincher's interview with Jake Gyllenhaal, and even a sound file with a few minutes of the recorded interview. When I said I'd like to see clean digital versions of these images, I didn't know Interview would be so obliging. They do look much better this way, as far as color and quality. They're still silly, but who cares?

I haven't read the interview online (I won't say where because I don't want to get anyone into trouble), but I certainly appreciate it being there, as it means I may not have to buy the magazine after all. Yes, you heard me right. I don't make a habit anymore of buying magazines just because someone is in them. Been there, done that, cleaned up the fire hazard, all those years ago.

In addition to the Interview treat, we've got this exciting new photographic evidence that Jake valet parks to buy coffee.

In truth, I hope he dined at the restaurant before leaving with his cup o' joe-to-go. Something about having to valet park just for takeout strikes me as really depressing. Of course, no one forced Jake to buy overpriced pre-brewed coffee in a swanky paper cup. Maybe he's so used to this lifestyle that he doesn't even see how ridiculous it is.

All photos: IHJ.

Afterglow

So much Jake, so little time. My week has been pretty bad, and while I'm tempted to be bitter that reality chose to interfere with the TIFF/U.S. Open Jakefest, instead I am reminding myself how grateful I am that every time I was significantly bummed out, new pics of Jake were just a click away. I don't even care how silly that sounds. The mere act of viewing his image, in photos taken of him doing the moviestar thing and clearly enjoying himself, brought peace and contentment to me instantly. This is the epitome of Zen Gyllenhaalism. If I could, I would thank Jake for being what he is to me.

Among the wonders that got me this far, the publication of Jake's answers to my questions in Toronto's National Post. The fact that her paper printed what was originally a blog post makes me think Vanessa Farquharson received email from quite a few Gyllenhaalics following her (I suspect facetious, originally) invitation to post questions for Jake in the comments on her blog; she was able to convince someone that this, too, was entertainment news. My favorite appearance of the article is the one they posted in the Ampersand, because it not only includes a lovely photo of Jake, but has been titled "Calling All Gyllenhaalics: Jake Gyllenhaal reveals hatred of cilantro!" Of course, Jake didn't use the word hate, but hey, they found my weird question good enough to attract readers. That rocks.

Okay, enough rambling about that.

If you haven't already, please check out the latest salvo in the Jake in '08 campaign over at Jake Watch. Just make sure you don't have any food or liquid in your mouth before you click.

Also, for those who, like me, were right pissed off when clicking to view the red carpet interview video WDW linked in this post resulted in a lame message that the clip wasn't viewable on Macintosh computers, I dug into the source code and ferreted out the object url. When you click this link, it should open either in your browser or whatever helper application is assigned to handle Windows Media files. I can confirm that it played for me in both Quicktime Player and VLC. Unfortunately, some lazy ass did not bother to edit the clip properly before turning it into a stream--you will first be presented with a couple of minutes of blank screen, followed by a report on healthy snacking, followed at last by Jakey goodness. I was able to skip ahead using the little scrub arrow; your mileage may vary.

CTV red carpet interview with Jake Gyllenhaal

Yes, it's worth all that trouble just to see Jake being the darling man he is. Sorry, my multiple attempts to capture the stream to a video file so I could edit out the garbage all failed. Hopefully this will show up on YouTube or Google Video soon.

All photos: IHJ.

Any minute now

One unfortunate side effect of Jake's summer vacation has been the uninterrupted propagation of the same old assorted rumors and gossip about his personal life by people who pretend their word is fact. I suppose in a way I do sympathize with them--they are just as susceptible as I am to Jake withdrawal. Perhaps they are hoping that such an unrelenting assault on that wall of official silence will finally prompt someone inside to make a statement. It wouldn't surprise me if they believed that, considering the delusional nature of some of their professed "news."

I don't need a crystal ball to confidently predict that in the next handful of days, we will suddenly have sightings and possibly photos of Jake at home in Los Angeles. With Rendition's TIFF Gala screening scheduled for September 7, Jake will be in Toronto a mere nine or ten days from now. We know how he loves to gad about the country; a rapid succession of airport appearances is all but guaranteed as he returns home, runs errands, and packs off again for the Great White North. (I just realized in writing this that Jake attended the 2005 TIFF three glorious, envy-inducing nights in a row. Where the hell was I in 2005?) I will breathe a seemingly unwarranted and preposterously overwrought sigh of relief when everyone resumes discussion of Jake's manner of dress, selection of purchases, and hairstyle of the moment...the things that matter, in other words.

I also find it gratifying that while the news outlets seem to be calling Rendition Reese Witherspoon's new movie, once again, as in the trailer, Jake has been granted top billing in the TIFF's online listing for the film. Alphabetical preference? Not exactly, as Alan Arkin came in third. Probably doesn't mean anything to anyone else, but I like it.

Thanks again to Xenia for a couple of things: first, I have implemented those shirts inspired by your comment in a new CafePress shopfront. There's nothing earth-shattering there, and certainly nothing that could be considered "art," so no markup has been applied to any item. Someone profits, but it ain't me. Second, I have really been enjoying my rediscovered Radiohead CDs! And I haven't done a lot of searching yet, but so far what I've heard of the White Stripes has me convinced that yes, I have heard them before, and of course liked what I heard. I guess I will have to start listening to the radio again, perhaps streaming while I write at night. So many things that I have missed in my self-imposed isolation!

Also, thanks to Prophecy Girl of Jake Watch for giving Zen Gyllenhaalism a mention on the blog. And thanks to everyone else who has visited, and especially commented, so far. I'd write anyway, but it wouldn't be anywhere near as much fun without you.

All photos: IHJ.

There is no 'spoon

Inevitably, when a Gyllenhaalic uses Yahoo's news search to look for potential material for her nascent blog, the results page bouncily recommends that she also try the following search: Jake Gyllenhaal Reese Witherspoon (except today--it seems the Jessica Simpson fans have been doing more searches lately). This is the number one reason why I prefer to use Google's news search. But I digress.

Lately, the "news" has been pretty thin. Nowhere did they mention the most spectacular Gyllenhappening of the past week, for example. Thankfully sources like Wet Dark and Wild and Jake Watch are on the job. And thanks, Jake, for giving me this lovely reminder that I do not have to work at our annual 5K this year, since budget cuts mean there will be no 5K.

No, the only "news" I got the other day was the post by an entertainment blogger who thinks Jake is among seven stars in danger of falling off the "A-List." Someone please let this gentleman know that Jake hasn't quite made the so-called "A-List" yet, and he's got plenty of very satisfied fans who would love nothing more than to see him keep choosing roles based on what they say to him, and what he can do with them, rather than their potential for box office. There are enough of those fools already. Jake makes movies I actually enjoy (well, there was Highway...). If he took the advice of people like this guy, he'd be doing a series of soulless blockbusters until eventually he became just another greedy actor.

Next, this.


Yes, I included it in my last post. But I'm not done enjoying it yet. And apparently I'm not the only one whose eye was caught by this, amongst the dozens of other new pictures posted alongside it over at IHJ. It was taken at the New York City premiere of Jarhead. I cannot overstate how grateful I am to Ally and Stephanie at IHJ for keeping the Jake pics coming. Without them and their secret, powerful media connections, desperate addicts like myself would not be treated to pictures from events two years in the past just at the moment when a Jake-drought is threatening to desiccate my joie de vivre and permit reality to spoil my days.

Finally, for now, I want to take a moment to say hello to my reader in Seoul, Korea. You have no idea what your faithful viewing of my blog means to me. My friends are here because they know me from other places. They felt compelled, in other words. (Now they're going to bash me for saying that.) You, on the other hand, are a complete stranger, and yet you appear to be reading my posts just about every day. It occurred to me that you might just be some kind of hiccup in a poorly-configured network, but I'm trying to be less cynical these days, so I am embracing you as a human viewer. Thank you for providing an audience.

Photos: IHJ.