Totally random man

Michael Stipe tried to blind Jake with his glasses and flashWonderful news! It looks like that Jake Gyllenhaal Cloning Project was secretly carried off. Either that, or he truly is a supernatural being, the divine entity his...divine-ness...always suggested. How else can we explain his presence in three different states at the same time?

New York, NY:

Jake Gyllenhaal (wearing a Boston Red Sox baseball hat) and unidentified date leaving the restaurant August in the West Village after having brunch together and separating immediately after seeing a photographer, to avoid being photographed together. After going separate ways, they both got on their cell phones to speak to each other. 9.16.07
Austin, TX:
But readers have reported other sightings: ... Jake Gyllenhaal showed up for Wilco, while Long and Barrymore mugged for the big screens during the same show. Mark Zupan , captain of the United States quadriplegic wheelchair rugby team, hung out in the artists village on Sunday.
West Hollywood, CA:
While much of Hollywood flocked to the Emmy Awards, Jake Gyllenhaal hit up West Hollywood eatery Il Sole for a dinner meeting. The Rendition star delved into a seven-layer lasagna while he chatted business.
Jake in New York near lunchtime, 9/16/07In the name of science, I endeavored to determine if Jake, as an actual time-space continuum-bound mortal, could in fact have been in all three locations on Sunday. Here's the breakdown:
  • New York, lunch--I'm not a New Yorker, but in my parts, lunch would be the name applied to a meal generally occurring between 11 am and 2 pm. Let's say Jake's lunch ended around 2 pm.
  • Jake departs New York at about 2:30 pm Eastern Daylight Time.
  • Average flight duration between JFK airport (according to a brief and completely unscientific search at Orbitz) and AUS in Austin clocks in at 4 hours, 35 minutes.
  • That would make it about 6:05 pm Central Daylight Time when Jake arrives in Texas.
  • According to the festival's site, Wilco, the one act Jake was identified to have watched, went onstage between 6:30 pm and 7:45 pm Central.
  • Assuming Jake left after the Wilco performance, which we'll say really finished up around 8 pm, he could have made it back to AUS by 8:30 (she says, without any clue as to how long it really takes to drive from the concert venue to the airport).
  • Another unscientific search at Orbitz tells me that average flight duration from AUS to LAX is somewhere between 3 hours 5 minutes and 3 hours 10 minutes.
  • Jake departs Texas about 8:45 Central Daylight time, and arrives in California at 9:50 Pacific Daylight Time. That's definitely still early enough for dinner, since Il Sole is open until 10:30 pm on Sundays, and I think Jake has been known to close a few restaurants.

My conclusion? Jake is one jet-lagged motherfucker. With a lot of frequent flier miles. The NY-TX-CA scenario is completely plausible, especially since all three sightings are well within the known behavior patterns for our darling globetrotter. Which actually kinda bums me out; I was really gunning for my own Jake clone.

Photos: futurepicenter, IHJ.


BirdGirl said...

Oh no! If they are cloning Jake I'm the 1st (okay 2nd) in line. He's just been everywhere hasn't he? He must not mind flying. I fucking hate it!!!!

Cherita said...

I think it would be safe to say that Jake has the flying thing down. Whether he really minds it or not, he certainly accepts its place in his busy life! I've never heard any tales of him nervously shoveling peanuts into his face while staring wide-eyed about the cabin, that's for sure. ;) We may never know if all three of these sightings are real but it's fun to imagine Jake on a whirlwind day across the country.

Xenia said...

hmmm...I don't know...it seems too much travelling even for our favourite Globetrotter...;)

But I like thinking of Jake eating a 'seven layers lasagna', he eats that stuff more often than me! :D He'd be the perfect guest in one of our family meetings where you HAVE to eat!

Cherita said...

Yes, Jake would definitely do well with some Italian in-laws, wouldn't he? But if I married him, trust me, he'd want to do all the cooking. Yet another example of why he's so perfect for me.